Archives: writing

How I Write: An Ineffective Guide

Sit at desk, sweep paper into cluttered stack and place coffee cup in vacant space. Watch coffee slop over brink of mug onto keyboard. Consider licking keyboard. (Swipe with sleeve to dry instead.) Turn computer on.

Open Word Document. Decide more caffeine needs to be consumed before yesterday’s words can be read. Allow five minute online break in preparation.

Look up from Twitter half an hour later. Curse. Realise if all tweets were combined there would be enough words for a novel. Curse again. Refill coffee cup.

Tab back to Word. Discover previous writing is appalling mashed mass, not tightly honed prose. Sulk.

Remember that scribbled useful notes in middle of night. Scrabble beneath layered-desk-mess for notebook. Find black moleskine. Search for notes—notes appear to have vanished—wonder if dreamt useful comments.

Check in other room. Find stack of identical black moleskines. Resign self to searching through all of them. Find useful notes twenty minutes later. Comments consist of ‘Plot squiffy- improve. NB Disaster’. Curse self.

Go downstairs to fetch motivational hobnobs. Grab three biscuits. Congratulate self on not taking whole packet. Decide on one hobnob reward per 250 words.

Spin in chair, wait for inspiration. Watch couple having argument on street. Duck when angry man notices. Knock stack of library books onto floor. Pick up books. Turn back to computer. Reach for hobnob.

Hobnobs have vanished. Look round for hobnobs. Notice crumbs strewn down front. Realise have consumed all three motivational hobnobs. Swear.

Threaten self with exercise. Subconscious decides writing better option. Type.

I wrote this when the lovely Hayley Webster asked for submissions to her online writing festival All the Words. Do check out all the other pieces.

The WoMentoring Project

It’s hard trying to be a writer. There’s a lot of scribbling into a void, hoping that someone, somewhere will one day want to read it. It’s difficult to know when you should give up and when to power through. And, the publishing world is a tough industry to navigate.

Kerry Hudson (Tony Hogan Bought Me an Ice-cream Float Before He Stole My Ma) knows this. To try and combat these issues and address the gender imbalance inherent in the literary world, she set up the WoMentoring Project.

Want to know more? Read on:

The WoMentoring Project exists to offer free mentoring by professional literary women to up and coming female writers who would otherwise find it difficult to access similar opportunities.

The mission of The WoMentoring Project is simply to introduce successful literary women to other women writers at the beginning of their careers who would benefit from some insight, knowledge and support. The hope is that we’ll see new, talented and diverse female voices emerging as a result of time and guidance received from our mentors.

The WoMentoring Project is managed by novelist Kerry Hudson and all of our mentors are all professional writers, editors or literary agents. Many of us received unofficial or official mentoring ourselves which helped us get ahead and the emphasis is on ‘paying forward’ some of the support we’ve been given.

In an industry where male writers are still reviewed and paid more than their female counterparts in the UK, we wanted to balance the playing field. Likewise, we want to give female voices that would otherwise find it hard to be heard, a greater opportunity of reaching their true potential.

Sound good? Here’s some details on how to apply:

Applicant mentees will submit a 1000 word writing sample and a 500 word statement about why they would benefit from free mentoring. All applications will be in application to a specific mentor and mentees can only apply for one mentor at a time.

Find out more by visit the WoMentoring Project or check them out @WoMentoringP.

Illustration by Sally Jane Thompson

The Perfect Conditions for Writing

Would you like to write in an immaculate, sun drenched office? Prose pattering gently onto the blank page as you sip freshly brewed coffee, perhaps?

Nabokov’s wife apparently enabled his writing career to the extent that she was a wife, a cleaner, a cook, a babysitter, etc etc, [read all domestic and traditionally female roles], as well as a secretary, editor and substitute teacher. (More in this by Koa Beck.)

There are numerous articles on writing full-time – normally exploring the struggle of getting motivated, the worry about earning enough and the necessity for discipline. Then there are the subsequent plaintive responses from those who manage to squeeze writing around work, family and everything else.

If you’re writing full-time, you have the pressure to produce; without the excuse of being tired from work, or having had a rough day in the office. You also have endless opportunities to procrastinate. (You have them just as much if you’re fitting writing around work, but you also know that you’ve stolen that time and it must be staked out with sharp pointy things and noise-cancelling headphones.)

The real truth of it though, is that you’re never going to have your ideal writing conditions. There will always be something else you can do.

You’ve just got to sit down and write.

 

(Which is why I’m writing this, of course.)